


Which Witches

by Wigmund



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3166820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wigmund/pseuds/Wigmund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A gift for Little_Blue_Star for The Homestuck Ladyfest (Not A) New Year's Exchange 2014 that combines a couple of the prompts they gave.</p><p>Happy New Year and thanks for the wonderful prompts, I hope you enjoy the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Which Witches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HallowedHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallowedHeart/gifts).



The scene faded in on a haze-filled club, various races meandered about the place socializing, drinking or just watching the night life of the afterlife. At the bar sat a blonde-haired woman, quietly sipping on a martini of some sort – she was gorgeous and elegant and was obviously ignoring everyone else in the location.  
Well, that was until someone in a flowing outfit walked up next to her and spoke.

“Well hello there, I do not believe I have had the pleasure to encounter you at this location before.”

The blonde woman paused, martini nearly at her parted red lips, and turned to see who was trying to distract her this time. 

She then gazed upon a troll, slightly taller than she was and with a mismatched pair of horns – one ended in a hook. The woman’s black and jade-green gown was just translucent enough in places to imply both conservative dressing habits and to elicit sexual feelings.

“Greetings to you as well, I seem to have been missing out on some pleasures myself. I arrived her only recently and am still settling in, it’s good to find a decent location to get a drink and experience the night-afterlife. I am Miss Lalonde, Rose Lalonde in at least one timeline – and you are?”

“I was known as the Dolorosa in one timeline, Porrim Maryam in another. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Lalonde after watching the events that have been unfolding with our other selves.”

“It is, pity we never got to meet in the flesh because sitting here I can see why our other selves were drawn towards each other.”

Rose reached out a hand on the bar top and grasped one of the Dolorosa’s, they started to make small talk – learning about each other’s lives and lifetimes.

“だから、とき彼らはつもりクソに動き回るていますか？”

“Hush you, you’ll make us lose the signal!”

“Oh cod, why do you want to get to that already? You’ve codda let the story reel you into the romance first. Can’t just dive right into the fucking – that’d make this a bad prawno!”

The adults at the bar smiled at each other, it took little time for familiarities from different lives to turn into attraction. Rose placed a payment on the bartop and made her way out of the nightclub with Dolorosa and the scene started to get foggy.

“Dammit! We lost it,”  Jade Harley slammed a hand on the rim of the large blackened iron cauldron that was filled with now-murky liquids of unidentifiable origins and odors. She pointed an accusatory finger at one of her compatriots in witchery and glowered at her,  “If you hadn’t started grinding on the pot it wouldn’t have sloshed just then.”

The curled-horned witch that Jade pointed at continued to do whatever it was she was up to on her side of the cauldron,  “彼らはこちらにハンドルに、私が喜びに必要とされないであろうバーに自分自身を台無しに開始していた場合。”

“Ugh, we’ll need to wash the cauldron tonight.”

“私はそれ毎晩、犬の女の子ファック。”

“Okay I didn’t need to know that and that’s permanently your spot for doing whatever it is you do. Over there where I can’t see and I’m preventing myself from imagining.”

The third witch watched her coven partners squabble, every night went the same way eventually – they’d start to squabble over something. Feferi rolled her eyes,  “What the glub are you two carping about? We need to find something to do.”

“それとも誰かがすることができません。”

“Exactly!”

“Do you actually understand what she’s saying? Because all I’m hearing is bad Japanese sex talk!”

“What are you glubbing on about? I understand Damara just fine! She bored, just like I am.”

“But you don’t sound like it was run through a bad translation program! Everything she says is extremely sexual or trash-talk!”

“あなたは私のお尻の犬の女の子をゴミ箱ことができます。私の猫を追いかけたいと思いあなたの犬洞ベット。”

“SEE!?”

“She’s just messing with you Jade. You gotta clam down and just go with the flow…Wait, you actually understand what she’s saying?”

“YES! I speak Japanese along with about a half-dozen other languages thanks to living on that island and talking with passing ships. Well I understand Japanese, I haven’t spoken It in several years thanks to all the bullshit that was going on.”

“Then could you translate what she’s sea-ing? I just get vague impressions.”

Jade deadpanned at the bubbly Witch of Life, “You don’t wanna know what she’s saying.”

Feferi just smiled and shrugged her shoulders,  “Kelp, okay. I just-“  There was a cracking sound from the shadows that surrounded the trio in their woodland hideaway,  “Looks like we have guests – get ready gills.”

“私の腰は準備が整いました。”

The trio quickly composed themselves, retrieved long sticks and started to stir the great boiling cauldron, babbling random things from time to time to make it look like they were busy brewing foul potions and not using the liquid’s surface to scry on sex scenes.

A pair of knights – one clad in red, the other brown - entered the woodland clearing. They paused and watched the witches do witchy things for a bit before one of them finally decided to speak up.

“Hey there, we need to get some potions and shits for this quest we’ve been forced to do. So, could y’all help a pair of bros in need?”

“What the fuck are you thinking Dave? You can’t request help from these women like that, you have to address witches and others properly or they’ll turn your empty fucking braincase into something that’d warn other imbeciles against agitating them by going up and saying ‘sup bro?’ For fuck’s sake, did anyone teach you proper manners Strider?”

“Nope, learned those all by myself. Helped shape me into the man I am today,”  The Knight of Time turned his attention back to the witches who were still ignoring him and his angry nubby-horned Blood compatriot,  “So will you ladies be able to help us in our quest to seek the Holy Grail?”

“It’s a vital quest for the kingdom, the seers have told us such. We may be entering battle and require some potions at the very least.”

The arcane trio stopped, looked up at each other and smiled.

“What do my twitching ears perceive?”

“A pair of heroes who a seek a gift to receive?”

“少年たちは私たちに贈り物を与える必要ファック、うまく利用してそれらの股の鎧を置く。”

Jade rolled her eyes and quickly got back into her role,  “Pray tell knights, why do you approach the coven uninvited?”

“Angry dude just told y’all, we need some potions so we can get the Grail.”

“But our potions are too strong for you, travelers!”

“Don’t you start that shit with us Sea Witch! I’ve had enough of nook-head over here quoting that damned thing at me on our journey here and fuck it if I’m gonna be told in person that-“

“あなたは私の猫を扱うことができません。それはあなたの小さな剣のために強すぎる。”

Dave and Karkat glanced at each other and shrugged their shoulders in unison. The trio of witches giggled while the pair was distracted,  “Uhm, yeah sure whatever. You got something for us right?”

“Our potions and concotions would kill you, they would kill a guardian let alone a pair of boys.”

“BOYS? Watch who you’re insulting you bit-“  Karkat was cut off by Dave’s hand clamping over his mouth, his worried eyebrows just visible over his dark shades.

“What my verbally-challenged bro here was gonna say was that maybe we could do a sidequest for you wonderful ladies. Maybe get some sweet experience and loot and become strong enough for your potions in the process.”

Dave side-eyed Karkat,  “We just love fetch quests don’t we?”  Karkat scowled at Dave but eventually shrugged in agreement.

The witches paused and exchanged glances and coy smiles amongst each other.

“それは長いとハードを確認します。”

“Yes, it shell be something challenging and worthy of these obviously brave heroes.”

“Fetch us some hair!”

“Hair? What kind of hair, because it looks like two of y’all got that market cornered-,“  Feferi and Jade glared at Dave who stopped his rambling.

“This hair shell be from the head of the heir.”

“Which fucking Heir? There’s at least two of them running around and fuck it if I have to pull some hairs from that smelly sack of horse shit.”

“That’s the one.”

Dave side-eyed Karkat,  “Good going bro, we could have lucked out and just have had to tackle John but no you had to bring up the sweaty horse-loving meathead.”

“馬の偉大なコックに犯されるのを避けるため、それはまた、あなたのために強すぎる。しかし、私はそれを扱うことができる。”

“Bring us these hairs and we shall consider your requests.”

The pair of knights left without a further word. The witches looked at each other and smiled.

“So what should we make them fetch when they get back?”

“Not sure.”

“彼らは得ることができる– “

“No, not even gonna let you finish that that.”

Damara gave Jade yet another evil eye.

“Well, if we want to keep up the spooky theme we’ve got going here. Maysea we should send them after some spider webs.”

The witch trio stopped what they were doing, looked up at each other and started laughing histerically.

“Vriska! We’ll send them to get webs from Vriska.”

“Perfect!”

“Where does the she get her webs from?”

“Actually I’m not sure. Do you know where does Vriska get her webs from, Feferi?”

Feferi shrugged her shoulders and glanced over at Damara who was smiling in an unsettling way,  “クモ。彼女の膣内に。”

“That is more likely than we think.”

“Oh god, we’ve devolved into bad memes. We gotta find something to watch until those knuckleheads get back.”

Jade tapped her stirring rod onto the side of the cauldron and the liquids inside stilled, producing a mirror effect that allowed the three witches to see themselves.

“Alright you two, we need to think of someone, somewhere and somewhen to watch. Any ideas?”

“Not really.”

“次の2つは、私が欲しいものを知っている。”

“Unfortunately.”

“How about something adorabubble!”

“Everything’s adorable to you. You’re an oddball.”

“So what and that’s something coming from you. Actually we three are odd fish, maybe that’s why we come back here so often.”

Jade smiled at her troll companions,  “Yeah, I might argue with you two frequently but I do look forward to these nights.”

“私はそれがまだこのハンドルと一緒に別の喜びです、これらのセッションをお楽しみください。”

“How about Roxy? I heard she’s been up to something with Calliope recently.”

“Oh my glub, that’s something I gotta sea!”

“多分私の欲望、この時間を満たすために何かがあるでしょう。”

“Not like that with these two, but let’s get the cauldron tuned in.”

The three witches placed their hands on the cauldron and concentrated. The liquids started to cloud – red, black and green-gray smoke started to pour out of the pot before an image from a different time, a different location, a different life appeared. The three stopped their concentrations and bent over the cauldron to watch their new show.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea what Damara is saying after I ran her dialogue through Google Translate to change it into Japanese, apologies to those that actually read/speak the language for what is probably now nigh-incomprehensible gibberish. 
> 
> I was tempted to put the original lines down here in English but I decided against that - it makes Jade's complaints more fun when you do try to use the program again to see what the sex-obsessed Witch of Time was saying.
> 
> Thanks to the Ladystuck Challenge for allowing me to participate and thank you to Little_Blue_Star for the prompts. I truly hope you enjoyed this work.


End file.
